The Cake

Ever heard of a video game called “Portal”? In the game you are helping a company test this portal gun. You use the gun to solve puzzles that GLADOS gives you and the promised reward is cake.

At the end of the game GLADOS sings a song (written by Jonathan Coulton) and mentions the cake and that it is delicious and moist. There is even a picture of it.

So one year for Dana’s birthday I made him The Cake. I used this recipe that always gives me something delicious and moist (if some times more structurally sound than others).

Hershey’s Perfectly Chocolaty Cake and Frosting (from the Unsweetened Cocoa box).

2 cups sugar

1 3/4 cups flour

3/4 cup cocoa

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

2 eggs

1 cup milk

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 cup boiling water (yes, for realz).

 

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Combine dry ingredients. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water – batter will be thin.

3. Pour into 2, nine inch round (greased) pans. Bake for 30-35 minutes. Remove when a toothpick comes out clean, but the tops of the cakes should still look moist.

While the cake is cooking, you can make the frosting:

1/2 cup butter or margarine

2/3 cup cocoa

3 cups powdered sugar

1/3 cup milk

1 tsp vanilla extract

1. Melt butter and mix with coca. Once well mixed – no lumps – add the other ingredients and mix until thick and creamy.

To assemble The Cake: let the cakes cool to room temperature before removing from pans. Place one round, flat-side down, on a plate. (Some cakes end up with too much cake and have bulgy middles: store bought cake mixes, for example. This cake tends to sink a bit in the middle. So you might need to use some frosting to make the middle even). Frost with a thin layer of chocolate frosting. Fill with some sweetened fresh berries (I think I used raspberries for this, but strawberries would be good too) or jam. Or just put some more frosting in the middle and use that as the filling. Place the next layer, flat-side up, onto the frosting. Cover the outside with frosting till it looks good to you. (I was taught to do a thin, crumb layer and let that dry a little bit before putting on the “show” layer of frosting.

With either whipped cream or some white frosting (whipped cream from a can would be super easy to do this with, but you’ll have to eat it right away. I used cream cheese frosting before I had some on hand) make 8 rosettes around the edge of the cake. Place gummy raspberries or cherry sours in the middle of each white rosette. To make it really authentic, press chocolate shavings into the outside of the cake and place one candle at the center of the cake.

The cake is not a lie!